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This is where I store the "extra" stuff in my head.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


I had an epithany today about my piano music.  More specifically, my fear of playing the piano in front of real, live people.  I've been taking lessons since January, and my teacher thinks I'm talented and that I play well.  (I have the email to prove it. ) My husband and kids love to hear me practice and I'm okay playing for them.  But I get crazy nervous about playing in front of other people.  My hands shake, I lose my place, I get hot and feel like I'm going to throw up.  So imagine my surprise when,  about a month ago,  my teacher asked me to play in a music festival in front of a judge and I said yes.  I'm terrified.  She KNOWS I'm terrified. Yet I'm practicing on my pieces daily.  I have to play 2 MEMORIZED pieces of music in front of a judge or two and that person or persons is going to JUDGE my playing.  They are going to tell me what I did wrong and how I sounded.  They are going to GRADE my performance.  Admittedly, I've been having second thoughts.  I had a hard time playing for my own mother when she was at my house. And she LOVES me!  And then, today, I had an epithany in the kitchen while I was making my lunch.  I was thinking about the contest, again, and getting ready to sit down to practice a little bit before I headed back to work.  Here is what occurred to me:   Do I REALLY care about what the judges say about my playing?  If I mess up, are they going to fire me?  Are they going to forbid me to ever take another piano lesson as long as I live? Are they going to shoot me for missing a note?  Am I going to let some strangers opinion distort my love of playing the piano?  Are they going to show up at my house and take my piano away from me?  Of course not!  I take piano lessons, not because I am forced too, but because I LOVE too!  I can make music and music is a gift to be given away!  So now, in the 2 and a half months I have left before the contest, I am going to perfect the pieces I am to play. I will walk into that room, sit down at that piano, and give those judges the best gift I can!  I'm going to make them cry!!

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